Syllogisms of apathy

• If one is not virtuous oneself, one can still profit from the virtue of others.
  
• There is no such thing as the golden mean. Moderation in all things is a recipe for mindless consumption. Drinking in moderation is unentertaining compared to drunkenness and uneconomical compared to sobriety.
  
• Politics is the process of establishing who's going to impose whose will on whom, or at least of establishing who thinks who's going to impose whose will on whom.
  
• Leadership is a talent exemplified by, among others, the fastest lemming.
  
• Self-righteousness: The common form of righteousness.
  
• If your knowledge of Italy came entirely from Italian television, you'd believe all Italian women were blondes.
  
• Fortune favours the fortunate.
  
• If we were ever privileged to be shown The Truth, we'd be too embarrassed to believe it.
  
• We no longer believe that suffering ennobles, but instead believe that it profits.
  
• Orderly habits are the sign of a disorderly mind.
  
• People make fun of the superstitious, but believe that a well-dressed person is trustworthy, and a beautiful one admirable.
  
• Reading allows us to live vicariously in a fantasy world other than the fantasy world we actually live in. Its chief function is to distract. People don't remember what they read, they don't think about it, they don't apply it in their lives – they don't even follow instructions. Perhaps it's because they've tried doing all these things.
  
• The chief problem with luck is figuring out which is the good and which the bad.
  
• Adoption is a process by which, instead of redistributing income, we redistribute children.
  
• People seem to feel compelled to offer a justification for their actions, but not to examine it.
  
• Euphemism is the politeness of the condescending.
  
• Since we can't tell the truth to ourselves, how can we be expected to tell it to others?
  
• Insecurity is the belief that one's life, to be successful, must be guided by something other than common decency.

Syllogisms of Apathy © John FitzGerald, 2005

Stay in the shallow end

We pay too little respect to the superficial. We aspire to be Deep. We are so busy looking for the deep, dark, hidden secrets of life and existence that we miss their superficial, bright, obvious truths.

People want to know the meaning of life. They can’t master the difference in meaning between adverse and averse, but the meaning of life – that they think they can understand.

What good would it do people to know the meaning of life, anyway? People all seem to think they know the meaning of global warming, but most of them still haven’t got round to buying those four crummy light bulbs they promised to buy a couple of years ago at Live Earth.

Why are we here?, they ask. Well, I don’t know about you, but I find it difficult to be in two places at once. So it’s not possible for me to be anywhere but here.

And what’s so great about knowing why you’re here? When I go to the physician to check out that blood in the urine, I know why I’m there, but I’m not thrilled about it.

These days there’s a huge industry founded on persuading people they can discover their true selves and that, with that knowledge under their belts, they can then achieve whatever they want.

Now, almost none of the people looking for their selves (and precious few of the people offering to tell them where their selves are) could define the self, so they couldn’t recognize it if they saw it. But they’re looking for it.

But, you say, I am being cynical. People do not aspire to a purpose in life for base, self-interested reasons but for noble ones. They want to make the world a better place.

Well, you don’t need to dig too deep to find out how to do that. One of the great moral teachers had a pretty simple formula for achieving that goal – keep the ten commandments and give your goods to the poor. So get to it. I have to warn you, though – that commandment about adultery’s a bugger.

Stay in the Shallow End © John FitzGerald, 2007