Are YOU a Success Magnet?

Just in case you haven't noticed, we'll point out that the world has changed. No more can you expect to get through life in some cushy, undemanding job with an inflated salary.

These days you have to fight to make a decent buck. You have to take initiative. You have to be goal-oriented, a go-getter, a never-quitter, you must be...an ENTREPRENEUR!.

To find out if you have what it takes to succeed in this new competitive world of today, all you have to do is complete this simple quiz. The instructions for scoring follow the quiz.

 1. Suppose you worked for a jerk. Which of the following would be the most likely way you'd deal with the problem?

1. try to do as good a job as possible in the circumstances?
   
2. ignore him/her?
   
3. vigorously contest his/her unreasonable actions?
   
4. shoot him/her?

 2. Which of the following singers do you like the least.?

1. Michael Bolton
   
2. Sheryl Crow
   
3. Alanis Morissette
   
4. Joe Valachi

 3. Which of the following do you try to model yourself after?

1. Mother Teresa
   
2. Martin Luther King
   
3. Bill Gates
   
4. Sammy "The Bull" Gravano

 4. Suppose you went on a trip to Paris. What is the first thing you'd do as soon as you arrived?

1. visit the Louvre
   
2. enjoy a fine French meal
   
3. go to the top of the Eiffel Tower
   
4. pistolwhip the first freaking Frenchman whose fat freaking face you didn't like

 5. Your favourite fashion accessory was designed by:

1. Roots
   
2. Ralph Lauren
   
3. Gianni Versace
   
4. Glock

 6. The type of investment you consider best for you is:

1. a savings account
   
2. a GIC
   
3. mutual funds
   
4. skimmed casino cash flow

 7. Your favourite exercise is:

1. striding
   
2. jogging
   
3. running
   
4. shaking down terrified shopkeepers

 8. The chief way in which you are politically involved is:

1. voting
   
2. canvassing
   
3. sitting on the executive of your riding association
   
4. municipal corruption

 9. Your favourite popular song of the Seventies is:

1. You Light Up My Life
   
2. Shake Your Booty
   
3. Let's Stay Together
   
4. I Shot the Sheriff

10. For Christmas, you would most like to receive:

1. a token of love and affection
   
2. a modestly priced gift
   
3. an expensive gift
   
4. a bribe

That's it! Now follow the simple scoring instructions below to determine YOUR success magnetism!

Scoring. Give yourself a point for each answer you chose which was identified by the letter d. Here's what your score means:

0 to 6 points: Communism is dead, you scumbag pinko degenerate! Either get with the program or get your ass on a plane to Cuba! But first drop by my place so I can kick your Commie ass from here to the airport! Of course, you'd probably like that, you sicko Commie pervert!

7 to 9 points: You have some hope, but your work is still cut out for you. You still retain some of the lazy, soft, defeatist values of the old days, and until you eradicate them completely you'll never earn a slice, however small, of the success pie. Remember, there's still a possibility that you're a threat to society. As more real men and women rise to the top in society, your chances of getting away with being the deviate you still are will get slimmer and slimmer.

10 points: Congratulations! You've got what it takes to get what you want! You're willing to take risks, to set goals, to work together in co-operation with other self-starters so that all may reap benefits! You make money the old-fashioned way – you take it from other people! With this get-ahead entrepreneurial attitude you can get whatever you want! I've wet myself!

Are YOU a Success Magnet? ©: 1997, John FitzGerald