Mein selbst

Guest column by Adolf Hitler:

At the age of 39 I was a total loser. Born illegitimate, I dropped out of high school and at 39 was still using my mother’s comical last name, Schicklgruber. By the time I was 44, though, I had turned my life around! I was Chancellor of Germany, and soon went on to become its all-powerful Führer! People turned out in the hundreds of thousands to hear me speak, and wherever I went everyone proudly greeted me with the special salute I had devised for them! Why, people even stopped saying “hello” and “goodbye,” and started saying “Heil Hitler!” instead!

How did I do it? How did I overcome four decades of failure on the margins of society and within five years make myself a total success at its centre? The answer: I started believing in myself.

Yes, the self-improvement gurus are right! If we just believe in ourselves, we have the power within us to accomplish whatever we want. Why do so many of us not believe in ourselves? As Dr. Phil puts it, in his book Self Matters, you actually have a choice of two selves to believe in:

• your authentic self, or “the self you once were before life took its toll,” and
  
• your fictional self, which he describes as “the identity...you believe you are supposed to be, the person people tell you you are.”

The fictional self is a self imposed on you by others , while the authentic self is you as you really are. Others impose a fictional self on you so that they can control you, but when you stop believing in that fictional self and start believing in your authentic self you become uncontrollable! You can accomplish your heart’s desire!

My own heart’s desire, of course, was to exterminate the Jews. Until I started believing in my authentic self, though, I had been reticent to try to achieve this goal, inhibited as I was by the oppressive strictures of the people about me and of the fictional self which they had invented to contaminate the purity of my authentic self and bend me to their will. Of course the Jews played more than a small role in this. Their absurd system of ethics, founded on the primitive teachings of Middle Eastern religious fanatics, was imposed on Germans so they would forget their authentic Aryan knowledge of good and evil and become servile minions of the international Zionist infanticidal financial conspiracy of hate and despair!

Well, I fixed that, or I would have if it hadn’t been for that Jew Franklin Delano Rosenfeld and his lackeys Winston Cohen and Joseph Stalinberg. Jealous of the heaven on earth my authentic self had created for the German people, and fearful that the populations they oppressed would start to demand the same thing for themselves, they didn’t just try to get me to be my fictional self again, they stabbed my authentic self in the back. I was stopped from achieving my authentic goal only by the violence and devastation inherent in their natures.

However, although they thought they could kill me, they could not kill my dream. My dream of accomplishing everything I had my heart set on. My dream of a better world full of better people.

My dream. My dream. Traum heil!

Hang on to your dream. Believe in yourself. You will accomplish miracles.

Mein Selbst © John FitzGerald, 2007